


out of all the places i could choose i go to you

by meltsmedown



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Coda, Communication, Fluff, M/M, Movie Spoilers, They blush a lot in this one, post chapter 28
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:07:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29293392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meltsmedown/pseuds/meltsmedown
Summary: Haruki still has hundreds of questions running through his mind. After he has spent so much time in the past couple of months trying to convince himself of one truth, a truth that he thought he saw and not the one Akihiko intended for him to see, it’s only expected that there are still a few puzzle pieces missing from the whole picture. He wants to probe and pry those pieces from Akihiko, but he doesn’t even know where to begin, still can’t find the words even though he has always been the one to preach to his band mates that communication is the most important thing.Or: On their walk home, Haruki and Akihiko clear up any lingering doubts.
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki
Comments: 13
Kudos: 81





	out of all the places i could choose i go to you

**Author's Note:**

> I present to you my first fic in almost two years (again, writer's block killed me) and my first ever fic in this fandom, because the Given brainrot has been Real for the past six months, and even more so since the movie came out. I haven't been able to find a post-confession fic that really hit all the spots I needed so I decided to write my own. Once again spreading my agenda that communication is very important!!! Hope you enjoy!!
> 
> Title from "You" by benny blanco, Marshmello and Vance Joy, because this song was literally written for them.

The truth is, Haruki had sensed something was up long before the night of their CAC performance. During the days leading up to it, Akihiko had been constantly spaced out, deep in thought, easily distracted, all of it culminating in the defeated and resigned demeanour he had the first night of the contest, when Haruki found him at his doorstep, face all bruised up again, like an abandoned puppy, when he leaned on Haruki’s shoulder as if that simple touch was the only thing that could patch up whatever got him in such a broken state, when Haruki felt for the first time what it actually meant to be needed, what he’d been waiting for all this time since that one fateful night that he wished had never happened.

But right after their performance on the second day, the urgency in Akihiko’s voice when he announced he had to ‘see someone off at the station’ tipped him off to something that he wasn’t sure he was ready to face. There was a certain anticipation, determination, and perhaps even excitement in Akihiko’s tone, as if whatever he was about to do would be the most important decision he’d made in a long time.

And it seemed like that was indeed the case, if the way he started behaving after that night was anything to go by. The gradual but steadfast changes to his lifestyle, as far as Haruki was privy to, along with the fact that he suddenly had a place to stay at again were enough of a giveaway on their own. But it was his reawakened motivation for school and violin practice that sealed the previously unfounded suspicions of _who_ exactly it was that triggered this transformation in the first place.

It was the only logical deduction that a world class violin soloist would inspire such changes in Akihiko. And Haruki would be lying to himself if he said he hadn’t spotted _him_ in the crowd at the concert venue before they went on stage. From that, putting two and two together wasn’t a complicated equation. Haruki presumed that something had shifted in both of them that night, something that made them want to try to work things out again and get back together. He didn’t know what it could have been, but it wasn’t his place to know and, moreover, he didn’t really want to know either. All he wanted then was to stop wondering. He was tired of running in circles over his still lingering feelings, and the developments of the past six months had solidified his conviction that it was high time he moved on for good. There was nothing there to wait or hope for anymore after all, this time he was certain of it.

But then Mafuyu had invited him to a violin competition that Akihiko was participating in and, against his better judgement, something compelled him to go. He’d told himself it was just pure curiosity. After all, he had never seen Akihiko play violin in such a formal setting before. But he knew that the real reason he accepted Mafuyu’s invitation was because he needed to _know_ once and for all; so he could get one final confirmation that it was time to move on.

And as he sat in the audience, watching Akihiko’s delicate music unfold before his eyes, a heaviness descended upon his chest and travelled all the way through the rest of his body, constricting his muscles, pressing on his heart painfully and making it so hard to breathe that he had to get out.

In that moment, watching Akihiko put his everything into that violin performance, he _knew_. And it felt like getting rejected all over again.

*

To think back on that now, as he walks next to Akihiko just a few hours later, seems outlandish, almost like trying to put himself in some stranger’s shoes. To think that he would go from feeling like the rug has been pulled from under his feet to feeling like he’s just been given a new pair of wings is almost as unbelievable as the events that have just transpired only a few minutes ago.

Out of all the sides of Akihiko he’s seen throughout the years, this is one that he never thought he would get to see, one that he wasn’t sure even existed. To see him so flustered, his usual confidence visibly shaken, to actually hear him admit his own embarrassment at Haruki’s mere presence in the audience of one of his performances, to witness such a deep blush painting his features, and to feel his trembling hands wrap around his shoulders, it all still felt like one of the dreams he hasn’t allowed himself to indulge in for many months now.

But, most of all, Akihiko’s words still ring clear in his head, playing on a loop like a particularly catchy earworm he doesn’t actually want to get rid of. Haruki doesn’t think he’s ever heard his own name uttered in such a tone. There was the pain of someone praying as a last resort, there was the hesitation of someone who didn’t dare to hope anymore, and, above all, there was an unbelievable amount of tenderness. It made the lump in his throat tighten even further.

But now that lump is gone and, instead, there is a rumble at the base of his throat like a suppressed giggle threatening to escape, the previous heaviness he felt is now gone as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, and there is a constant flutter in his chest that he can’t seem to shake off no matter how hard he tries.

And despite all of this, he still has hundreds of questions running through his mind. After he has spent so much time in the past couple of months trying to convince himself of one truth, a truth that he thought he saw and not the one Akihiko intended for him to see, it’s only expected that there are still a few puzzle pieces missing from the whole picture. He wants to probe and pry those pieces from Akihiko, but he doesn’t even know where to begin, still can’t find the words even though he has always been the one to preach to his band mates that communication is the most important thing.

“I did enjoy the performance, even if I didn’t stick around for the whole thing,” is what he settles for eventually, breaking the silence between them. “I’ve never heard that piece before.”

He feels more than sees Akihiko’s posture shift next to him.

“Thank you,” he hums. There is still a hint of hesitation in his voice, nothing like the confident and composed Akihiko he used to get.

Silence falls again for a beat before Akihiko speaks again, this time a bit more relaxed.

“You know, this wasn’t the first time I performed that piece in a competition.”

“Huh?” Haruki finally turns to look at him and finds his gaze fixed on the starry sky above them.

“The last time I did was my first year of high school. I got second place then,” he says, with the smallest hint of amusement in his tone.

“Fourth place must feel like such a downgrade then,” he teases, and hopes it lands the way he wants it to. “How did your ego take the hit?”

He feels relieved to hear Akihiko let out a hearty chuckle that sounds like he’s been holding in ever since they started walking. Haruki can’t help stealing a glance one more time and finds that he’s missed seeing such a genuine, unrestrained smile on Akihiko's face and, suddenly, the previous awkwardness between them starts fading little by little.

“I’d say you’re actually to blame for that,” he hits back and grins at Haruki’s offended look. “If you hadn’t distracted me halfway through, I would’ve gotten through that without a hitch. Easily third place.”

It’s Haruki’s turn to laugh then, partly because of Akihiko’s bold claim and partly because he’s glad they are slowly getting back to the dynamic he’s used to.

“Shifting the blame on someone else, so typical,” he rolls his eyes fondly. “Did you use the same excuse when you didn’t get first place back in high school?”

Akihiko’s smile dims ever so slightly, perhaps unnoticeable to the untrained eye. But Haruki has been trained to notice every small detail about Akihiko’s expressions for the past few years. There is a distant look in his eyes as if recalling a time long gone.

“That was actually the last violin competition I ever entered.” A glance in Haruki’s direction. “Until now.”

The hint of a blush is visible on Akihiko’s cheeks even in the dimness of the street lights and Haruki is certain his own have turned a similar shade of pink. He turns to look ahead before he trips over his own feet and tries one of the questions that has been on his mind for the past couple of minutes.

“You said you kept running away from it. Why though? You clearly had a bright future ahead of you.”

“Because I met Ugetsu,” he deadpans without pause, as if it’s the most obvious answer, as if it doesn’t spark yet another wave of questions in Haruki’s head.

He tenses up involuntarily and Akihiko must have noticed because he continues speaking.

“Ever since he came into my life, my passion for music started to go down the drain. I started chasing his sound and wishing I could be his equal. Of course, that never worked on any level,” he sighs. “And because of that I started hating not just his music, but also my own.”

These few words manage to crush all of Haruki’s previous misconceptions at once and he stops walking abruptly as everything he’s thought about the events of the past six months comes flooding his mind like a rewound cassette tape. Everything he’s been telling himself, everything he’s been assuming was the only logical explanation for Akihiko’s sudden change, everything turned out to be the complete opposite, and he didn’t know how to feel about it any more than he did an hour ago.

For as long as he can remember, Haruki has always believed that one of the pillars of a healthy relationship is that two partners should uplift and support each other’s passions, especially if they shared the same one. It seemed like a no-brainer to him, but now, hearing Akihiko talk about this, he realises that isn’t always the case for some people, and a part of his heart breaks for him at this, knowing that Akihiko never got that encouragement from the person he loved for so long, finding out that it wasn’t _because_ of his partner that his passion was rekindled, but _in spite_ of him.

Akihiko stops walking as well and turns to him then. He seeks out Haruki’s gaze, but when he sees it’s fixed on an invisible point on the ground, he decides to keep talking.

“But for a while now, music has been fun again. I started remembering why I loved it so much in the first place. I started loving it again, even more so than before.”

He approaches Haruki ever so slightly, but doesn’t reach out, still hesitant to initiate any physical contact.

“And it’s all because of you.”

Haruki finally looks up and meets Akihiko’s eyes with a faint gasp. He desperately wishes he knew what to say in this moment, how to respond to this revelation that turns everything he’s thought for the longest time on its head and opens up a whole new path that he thinks he’s still too scared to walk. But, as he searches Akihiko’s eyes further, the sheer conviction he sees there, the pure sincerity in the furrow of his brows and the still present blush that he has never thought would fit so well on Akihiko’s cheeks give him enough of a push to throw caution to the wind and take the first step of many down that path, hoping that what awaits along the journey is worth the pain he has gone through so far.

“The reason I finally worked up the courage to leave Ugetsu and break free from everything that tied me to him, to make amends with my parents, to get my own place and focus on my studies and play violin like I haven’t played in so many years, it was all because of you. Because you showed me how music is supposed to make you feel, and because, despite all the hurt I put you through, you still showed me nothing but kindness,” his voice trembles then ever so slightly and he takes a deep breath to steady himself as he continues. “That’s what I’ve always thought love is supposed to be like. And for the longest time I assumed that it was foolish to think that way. But ever since I’ve met you, I realised it isn’t foolish. It never was,” he huffs a faint laugh. “I was the fool all along.”

A smile breaks on Haruki’s face and he feels a remnant of the lump in his throat he had when Akihiko wrapped his arms around him and said those three words that Haruki never thought would be addressed to him. However, a certain part of Akihiko’s speech from earlier stood out to him in particular and he feels like now is as good a time as ever to address it.

“You sure are a fool,” he looks up at him to make sure that Akihiko sees the certainty in his eyes when he speaks the next words. “To think that you’d have to change so much just so I could love you. When that was never a question, even after everything that happened.”

Haruki needs Akihiko to know that he was never expecting him to change himself in order to be ‘worthy’ of him or his love. He loved Akihiko when all he knew about him was that he was a just good guy with a tough exterior, he loved him when he was at the end of his rope and begging for his help, he loved him when he hurt him in a way that felt irreparable, he loved him when he thought that he was losing him again to someone else, and he still loves him now, standing here in front of him, having turned his own life around for the better.

Akihiko’s eyebrows shoot up before the redness in his cheeks deepens even more and he averts his gaze, his hand going up to scratch bashfully at the back of his neck.

“I… You have no idea how much of a relief that is to hear, Haruki.” And there it is again, that tenderness in the way he says his name.

“But I needed to make these changes, not just for you, but for myself,” he continues, more determined now. “I didn’t want to keep living in that vicious cycle that I always found myself in somehow. I didn’t want to depend on you so much any more than I already have for so long, the way I depended on Ugetsu. It wouldn’t be fair on either of us. I wanted to do it right this time, in every way,” he turns his eyes back on him and his lips curl up in a sheepish smile. "I think that's the least we both deserve."

It’s Haruki’s turn to avert his gaze as a blush creeps back up on his face and he lets out a giggle that has been bubbling beneath the surface this entire time. That clarification brings an insurmountable warmth to his chest, and another wave of relief washes over him. Knowing that, even if Haruki hadn’t accepted his confession, Akihiko would have still kept up with this new healthy lifestyle for his own good. That in itself shows him that this desire to better himself came from the right place, and wouldn’t depend on Haruki’s response to his affections. It proves that Akihiko truly has changed.

“I feel so silly now,” he says eventually. “All this time I kept thinking… Well, if anybody would drive you to make these changes to your life, it would be your genius violinist boyfriend.”

Akihiko hums, amusement evident in his tone.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he deadpans. “My boyfriend actually plays bass.”

Haruki’s head whips up so swiftly he almost pulls a muscle. He doesn’t know what he was expecting to find on Akihiko’s face; a teasing smile, or maybe a wide grin. Certainly not the stunned expression paired with a blush engulfing all of his features, which he can only assume mirrors his own. If Akihiko’s reaction is anything to go by, Haruki can guess that he surprised even himself with that line.

They stare at each other, mouths open for a few seconds before the hilarity of the situation sinks in and they both start laughing with so much mirth it brings tears to their eyes. As the laughter starts to die down, Haruki punches Akihiko’s arm playfully and starts walking again.

“How presumptuous,” he teases, the smile never leaving his lips. “Take me out to dinner or something first and then we’ll see about that.”

“What do you mean?” Akihiko responds, his tone just as taunting. “I was talking about Yatake.”

The punch Haruki delivers this time is undoubtedly more painful as he squeaks Akihiko’s name loud enough to have alerted a few pedestrians if they weren’t the only people on the street at that hour. Akihiko’s answering laughter is even more boisterous, reminding Haruki of a long walk in the early hours of the morning, the heat of summer and the thrill of music, of rekindled love and fresh beginnings.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it!! Thoughts and opinions are more than welcome!! I absolutely love analysing this manga because it's so complex and I always find something new that I hadn't noticed before. You can also find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/thisbeech) ;)


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